To love or be loved is something everyone experiences. What you do with it is up to you.
Some people are out here to love no matter what. They get joy from loving others. It gives them a feeling of appreciation and love back even if it’s not genuine.
How do you feel complete? Do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough? What is enough?
I always wanted to be loved as much as I loved it just hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I don’t love myself enough? Maybe it’s me? Maybe I didn’t love hard enough? Those are questions I ask all the time. I have two kids 11 years apart been in abusive relationships, I’ve been though it all. Now I am on a path for self love to be right with myself and my God. I find now that the guys that have done me wrong before are coming back.
I’ll admit the attention is awesome. Knowing they still find me attractive is awesome.
Then I look back … these men didn’t give a darn about me before they wanted what they got. I did way more than I ever should have because I didn’t get anything in return. I got cheated on, beat, humiliated, and barley looked at.
I think my relationships have driven me down the path I have gone. There are things I wish I could change things I hoped weren’t in my future but it is what it is.
I get asked all the time why I help those who are in need even though I’m in need sometimes. Well I believe I will be rewarded one day God has a plan for me I have a plan my life may look dim but my children keep me going and knowing that I can help one or 15 people with my reaching out will heal my heart and I will be rewarded with the love I deserve.
So in conclusion I’m not one to give up. I am not one to play the victim. I know my heart is worth more than gold and one day my king will be delivered and I will have everything I deserve within a relationship until then I’ll remain humble and single but my heart knows it’s worth it all.
Don’t ever sell your self short. Be true to you.
At my age you’d think I’d have someone to call my own, my love, or whatever you decide to call your spouse. My mate just hasn’t been found yet, well I like to think I have met him but for some reason we just didn’t work out at that time.
It’s really funny to me that I even have the courage to talk about this because it is silly and weird and a little crazy.
I tend to date guys I’ve already dated or have been friends with for a long time. I call it my recycle method. And usually it works for a while until I get reminded why we didn’t work out in the first place. So your probably wondering like many of my friends do why don’t you go find someone new!?
Well I don’t have a answer to that question. I don’t have a hard time meeting someone new, I do lose interest quick or I find myself wondering to many negatives about the guy I just walk away and leave him alone. Most of the time I don’t hive the guy enough time to make a big enough impression on me. Recently out of the blue with in days of each other I had 3 ex’s reach out to me one was just saying hello (he’s married) and the other two are wanting to try it again. Both of the relationships were not long around 6 months one is local and one is long distance. I’ll admit it’s nice to be thought of, brings my self esteem up a little. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me lol. I like the attention and I don’t want to lead either on because I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with one of them I’m just having super commitment issues. What can I do!? I’ll sleep on it and write some more later lol.
It’s a cold one out there Denver! Roads are slick and it sure doesn’t look like it is going to get any warmer. Since the schools are closed for Martin Luther King Jr. day the young one is sleeping and my oldest is playing video games like usual.
I forgot to turn the heat on.(until 5 min ago) So I write this from the bed in my covers where I do not want to leave anytime soon….
Since I am the adult and I do have work I must get up and out of this comfy bed. I think I will stop and tan, you know to warm my soul so I can take on this cold weather, stop at Safeway and get some food for the day and then head on into work. Since I have demoted myself I don’t have to go in so early I do like that, then again I am supposed to show my replacement how to do the basic functions of my job :/. I guess I will go in a little early nothing like working 10-12 hour days after you demote your self…it’s okay I guess overtime is appreciated these days..but I must find a way to not work so much! That is the whole purpose of this right?
It is currently 19 degrees out so cold it is there isn’t any snow as of yet so I wonder if it will come high of 24 that seems about right, I guess I shouldn’t be complaining we have had a pretty warm winter and I do live in Colorado. Make sure to bundle up and stay warm my friends!
**UPDATE**(15 min later)
It’s not lightly snowing and everything on my car is frozen 😢be careful out there!!
Hey there! My name is Jessica and I have decided in my attempt to find a way to make my life easier, balance work, home and life I’ll share all my ups and downs with you the reader. You can laugh at me, cry with me or just be angry for me. You can be all 3 if you want. I usually have 3 to 4 feelings in an hour.
I am determined to make my life balanced and worthwhile, I want to raise my kids with ease, save money and work less.
So join me on my journey and feel free to help me with my errors!