To love or be loved is something everyone experiences. What you do with it is up to you.
Some people are out here to love no matter what. They get joy from loving others. It gives them a feeling of appreciation and love back even if it’s not genuine.
How do you feel complete? Do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough? What is enough?
I always wanted to be loved as much as I loved it just hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I don’t love myself enough? Maybe it’s me? Maybe I didn’t love hard enough? Those are questions I ask all the time. I have two kids 11 years apart been in abusive relationships, I’ve been though it all. Now I am on a path for self love to be right with myself and my God. I find now that the guys that have done me wrong before are coming back.
I’ll admit the attention is awesome. Knowing they still find me attractive is awesome.
Then I look back … these men didn’t give a darn about me before they wanted what they got. I did way more than I ever should have because I didn’t get anything in return. I got cheated on, beat, humiliated, and barley looked at.
I think my relationships have driven me down the path I have gone. There are things I wish I could change things I hoped weren’t in my future but it is what it is.
I get asked all the time why I help those who are in need even though I’m in need sometimes. Well I believe I will be rewarded one day God has a plan for me I have a plan my life may look dim but my children keep me going and knowing that I can help one or 15 people with my reaching out will heal my heart and I will be rewarded with the love I deserve.
So in conclusion I’m not one to give up. I am not one to play the victim. I know my heart is worth more than gold and one day my king will be delivered and I will have everything I deserve within a relationship until then I’ll remain humble and single but my heart knows it’s worth it all.
Don’t ever sell your self short. Be true to you.
At my age you’d think I’d have someone to call my own, my love, or whatever you decide to call your spouse. My mate just hasn’t been found yet, well I like to think I have met him but for some reason we just didn’t work out at that time.
It’s really funny to me that I even have the courage to talk about this because it is silly and weird and a little crazy.
I tend to date guys I’ve already dated or have been friends with for a long time. I call it my recycle method. And usually it works for a while until I get reminded why we didn’t work out in the first place. So your probably wondering like many of my friends do why don’t you go find someone new!?
Well I don’t have a answer to that question. I don’t have a hard time meeting someone new, I do lose interest quick or I find myself wondering to many negatives about the guy I just walk away and leave him alone. Most of the time I don’t hive the guy enough time to make a big enough impression on me. Recently out of the blue with in days of each other I had 3 ex’s reach out to me one was just saying hello (he’s married) and the other two are wanting to try it again. Both of the relationships were not long around 6 months one is local and one is long distance. I’ll admit it’s nice to be thought of, brings my self esteem up a little. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me lol. I like the attention and I don’t want to lead either on because I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with one of them I’m just having super commitment issues. What can I do!? I’ll sleep on it and write some more later lol.
I write you this letter with hopes that you will read this one day and realize the potential you have as a young man and chose the path that fits you best. Wether it be right or wrong(I hope right) I wish you nothing but success.
On 2/8/18 you stole from me hopefully for the last time. I decided enough was enough and you had to go.
Of course it’s winter time and the only clothes you took with you are suitable for maybe fall. I tired to reach out to you so you could come get warmer clothes and some warm food. You told me twice you’d come but you never showed.
I pray for you every morning and night that you find the right path. I ask myself everyday “where did I go wrong with you!” “Did I do anything wrong?”
I know you didn’t have the easiest time growing up, you did have a rough start being born Pre-maturely,staying in the hospital for 4 months. Being my little bubble boy fighting RSV at the age of 2 and then going through school with ADHD and Depression. If it wasn’t for all of your grandparents I’d probably would have fell apart trying to raise you alone.
Over the years I’ve shown you how to give back and do for others less fortunate, preparing sack lunches handing them out. Giving gift cards for food…..seeing your face of enjoyment when doing that made my heart melt each time.
Knowing your are now out there on the streets with the people I strive to help breaks my heart. I know you have friends to stay with and I know your okay for now. I hope you get things together soon. I’m proud to hear you have been looking for a job.
I want you to know you are my first born, my only son, and my first love. I will never give up on you and I am here for you. I just can’t have you in my house anymore the stealing and disrespect has gotten out of control. I pray one day you will forgive me.
Hey there! My name is Jessica and I have decided in my attempt to find a way to make my life easier, balance work, home and life I’ll share all my ups and downs with you the reader. You can laugh at me, cry with me or just be angry for me. You can be all 3 if you want. I usually have 3 to 4 feelings in an hour.
I am determined to make my life balanced and worthwhile, I want to raise my kids with ease, save money and work less.
So join me on my journey and feel free to help me with my errors!