To love or be loved is something everyone experiences. What you do with it is up to you.
Some people are out here to love no matter what. They get joy from loving others. It gives them a feeling of appreciation and love back even if it’s not genuine.
How do you feel complete? Do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough? What is enough?
I always wanted to be loved as much as I loved it just hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I don’t love myself enough? Maybe it’s me? Maybe I didn’t love hard enough? Those are questions I ask all the time. I have two kids 11 years apart been in abusive relationships, I’ve been though it all. Now I am on a path for self love to be right with myself and my God. I find now that the guys that have done me wrong before are coming back.
I’ll admit the attention is awesome. Knowing they still find me attractive is awesome.
Then I look back … these men didn’t give a darn about me before they wanted what they got. I did way more than I ever should have because I didn’t get anything in return. I got cheated on, beat, humiliated, and barley looked at.
I think my relationships have driven me down the path I have gone. There are things I wish I could change things I hoped weren’t in my future but it is what it is.
I get asked all the time why I help those who are in need even though I’m in need sometimes. Well I believe I will be rewarded one day God has a plan for me I have a plan my life may look dim but my children keep me going and knowing that I can help one or 15 people with my reaching out will heal my heart and I will be rewarded with the love I deserve.
So in conclusion I’m not one to give up. I am not one to play the victim. I know my heart is worth more than gold and one day my king will be delivered and I will have everything I deserve within a relationship until then I’ll remain humble and single but my heart knows it’s worth it all.
Don’t ever sell your self short. Be true to you.
At my age you’d think I’d have someone to call my own, my love, or whatever you decide to call your spouse. My mate just hasn’t been found yet, well I like to think I have met him but for some reason we just didn’t work out at that time.
It’s really funny to me that I even have the courage to talk about this because it is silly and weird and a little crazy.
I tend to date guys I’ve already dated or have been friends with for a long time. I call it my recycle method. And usually it works for a while until I get reminded why we didn’t work out in the first place. So your probably wondering like many of my friends do why don’t you go find someone new!?
Well I don’t have a answer to that question. I don’t have a hard time meeting someone new, I do lose interest quick or I find myself wondering to many negatives about the guy I just walk away and leave him alone. Most of the time I don’t hive the guy enough time to make a big enough impression on me. Recently out of the blue with in days of each other I had 3 ex’s reach out to me one was just saying hello (he’s married) and the other two are wanting to try it again. Both of the relationships were not long around 6 months one is local and one is long distance. I’ll admit it’s nice to be thought of, brings my self esteem up a little. But I don’t know what’s wrong with me lol. I like the attention and I don’t want to lead either on because I wouldn’t mind being in a relationship with one of them I’m just having super commitment issues. What can I do!? I’ll sleep on it and write some more later lol.
Help Me Pay it Foward!
I do what I can in general to help people in need. I have been in the position where I was the one who needed help and thankfully there were people and organizations who helped me. I can’t thank the people and organizations who helped me enough, so I try to do something once a month to help out those who are in need.
I’ve done things like prepare meals, pass out gift certificates for clothes or coffee, donated my time to write resume’s and job applications for those who are looking for employment coming out of prison or who are homeless.
This year I decided to go bigger, get the homeless men, women and kids things they normally cant get because of funds or the shelters don’t have enough supplies.
This month I am preparing basic hygiene bags for men and women. I hope the next time I can do children as well. Just because you might live on the streets doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of your self . I believe your hygiene is one of the the first steps to getting the confidence you need to do more.
I have started a Youcaring.com account to help me raised the funds needed because each kit is around $5.00 per person for 8 items, 9 for women. I have put $500 of my own in which will make 100 kits, I am hoping for another 100.
Thanks for reading if you can help in anyway that would be appreciated.
So for the past few months I have worked 10 hour days basically 7 days a week and that definitely is NOT working smarter instead of harder. So I decided to take a day off my daughter went to school so I had a good 6 hours to myself. I had plans on cleaning up (spring cleaning) shopping and starting a nice dinner for the kids.
The plans well 50% got done the other half I found myself doing nothing absolutely nothing just sitting on my couch with a snack and the T.V. on. A few times I said to myself get up go do something, but my laziness prevailed lol. I watched shows like Maury and Judge Judy shows I’d never normally watch but they had my attention yesterday.
Soon it was 3:30 and my daughter came home, so mommy mode turned back on. I made her a snack and started dinner.
To be honest I don’t know how I feel about taking the day off. I feel like it was something needed and had to be done to save my sanity. I should have gotten a lot of things done but of course my body had other plans. Maybe I needed to just do almost nothing for a whole day.
Next time hopefully I’ll have more than one day off and I can feel like a productive person, what’s better though taking a day off during the week or the weekend? Hmmmm….
Hey there! My name is Jessica and I have decided in my attempt to find a way to make my life easier, balance work, home and life I’ll share all my ups and downs with you the reader. You can laugh at me, cry with me or just be angry for me. You can be all 3 if you want. I usually have 3 to 4 feelings in an hour.
I am determined to make my life balanced and worthwhile, I want to raise my kids with ease, save money and work less.
So join me on my journey and feel free to help me with my errors!