To love or be loved is something everyone experiences. What you do with it is up to you.
Some people are out here to love no matter what. They get joy from loving others. It gives them a feeling of appreciation and love back even if it’s not genuine.
How do you feel complete? Do you love yourself? Do you love yourself enough? What is enough?
I always wanted to be loved as much as I loved it just hasn’t happened yet. Maybe I don’t love myself enough? Maybe it’s me? Maybe I didn’t love hard enough? Those are questions I ask all the time. I have two kids 11 years apart been in abusive relationships, I’ve been though it all. Now I am on a path for self love to be right with myself and my God. I find now that the guys that have done me wrong before are coming back.
I’ll admit the attention is awesome. Knowing they still find me attractive is awesome.
Then I look back … these men didn’t give a darn about me before they wanted what they got. I did way more than I ever should have because I didn’t get anything in return. I got cheated on, beat, humiliated, and barley looked at.
I think my relationships have driven me down the path I have gone. There are things I wish I could change things I hoped weren’t in my future but it is what it is.
I get asked all the time why I help those who are in need even though I’m in need sometimes. Well I believe I will be rewarded one day God has a plan for me I have a plan my life may look dim but my children keep me going and knowing that I can help one or 15 people with my reaching out will heal my heart and I will be rewarded with the love I deserve.
So in conclusion I’m not one to give up. I am not one to play the victim. I know my heart is worth more than gold and one day my king will be delivered and I will have everything I deserve within a relationship until then I’ll remain humble and single but my heart knows it’s worth it all.
Don’t ever sell your self short. Be true to you.
I write you this letter with hopes that you will read this one day and realize the potential you have as a young man and chose the path that fits you best. Wether it be right or wrong(I hope right) I wish you nothing but success.
On 2/8/18 you stole from me hopefully for the last time. I decided enough was enough and you had to go.
Of course it’s winter time and the only clothes you took with you are suitable for maybe fall. I tired to reach out to you so you could come get warmer clothes and some warm food. You told me twice you’d come but you never showed.
I pray for you every morning and night that you find the right path. I ask myself everyday “where did I go wrong with you!” “Did I do anything wrong?”
I know you didn’t have the easiest time growing up, you did have a rough start being born Pre-maturely,staying in the hospital for 4 months. Being my little bubble boy fighting RSV at the age of 2 and then going through school with ADHD and Depression. If it wasn’t for all of your grandparents I’d probably would have fell apart trying to raise you alone.
Over the years I’ve shown you how to give back and do for others less fortunate, preparing sack lunches handing them out. Giving gift cards for food…..seeing your face of enjoyment when doing that made my heart melt each time.
Knowing your are now out there on the streets with the people I strive to help breaks my heart. I know you have friends to stay with and I know your okay for now. I hope you get things together soon. I’m proud to hear you have been looking for a job.
I want you to know you are my first born, my only son, and my first love. I will never give up on you and I am here for you. I just can’t have you in my house anymore the stealing and disrespect has gotten out of control. I pray one day you will forgive me.
Help Me Pay it Foward!
I do what I can in general to help people in need. I have been in the position where I was the one who needed help and thankfully there were people and organizations who helped me. I can’t thank the people and organizations who helped me enough, so I try to do something once a month to help out those who are in need.
I’ve done things like prepare meals, pass out gift certificates for clothes or coffee, donated my time to write resume’s and job applications for those who are looking for employment coming out of prison or who are homeless.
This year I decided to go bigger, get the homeless men, women and kids things they normally cant get because of funds or the shelters don’t have enough supplies.
This month I am preparing basic hygiene bags for men and women. I hope the next time I can do children as well. Just because you might live on the streets doesn’t mean you shouldn’t take care of your self . I believe your hygiene is one of the the first steps to getting the confidence you need to do more.
I have started a Youcaring.com account to help me raised the funds needed because each kit is around $5.00 per person for 8 items, 9 for women. I have put $500 of my own in which will make 100 kits, I am hoping for another 100.
Thanks for reading if you can help in anyway that would be appreciated.
Here in Colorado you should already expect to have dry skin. Winter time is horrible for my skin I feel like I should be applying lotion every 10 min. I don’t want to do that, I don’t think anyone would lol. So I broke down and went to Bath and Body Works because I had a gift card and a coupon. I bought the “Hello Beautiful @ Ultra Shea Body cream. The scent is light and refreshing not to over powering which is awesome.
I used it the first time just in the morning by the time I got off of work 6 hours later I noticed I could use another application.
The next day I did he same application in the morning and while at work I did another to my arms and when I got home I showed and did another application.
The next morning I noticed an improvement overall in my skin texture. I’ll keep it up for the week and see how it improves. Or not…..